Lessons #33 and 34
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+ 1. It is best to use this note after you have listened to the lessons because there are +
+ comments given in the actual exposition not in the note. +
+ 2. The Bible abbreviations are as follows: CEV =Contemporary English version, +
+ CEB = Common English Bible, ESV= English Standard Version, +
+ GWT = God’s Word Translation, ISV = International Standard Version, +
+ NAB=New English Bible, NASB= New American Standard Bible, +
+ NEB= New English Bible, NET = New English Translation, +
+ NLT = New Living Translations NJB = New Jerusalem Bible, +
+ NJV = New Jewish Bible, TEV = Today’s English Version. +
+ 3. Notes have not been edited for grammatical errors. +
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Instructions to various groups of believers (Titus 2:1-6)
1You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.
The overall message that we are concerned in this passage is that pastors should instruct believers, being mindful of age and gender of believers in the congregation. This is based on the various groups the Holy Spirit through Apostle Paul instructed Titus to communicate God’s word with respect to their behavior or conduct. Thus far, we have considered the first group that Titus was expected to instruct which consists of older men in the congregation. We come to the second group which consists of older women.
The communication Titus was to direct to older women consists of instruction regarding the behavior of the older women and their responsibility of teaching younger women. The various instructions directed towards both older women and younger women are concerned with their testimony in the world of unbelievers. In effect, the behavior of believing women as given in this passage is important because of the impact it should have on the unbelievers who encounter them. We will examine this reason later at the appropriate time but we want to bring to your immediate attention that the teaching of the word of God when it involves our behavior as believers has an important purpose of ensuring that our lifestyle does not give a wrong impression to unbelievers regarding the Christian message.
Behavior that is fitting to the Christian faith or the behavior that reflects faith in Christ is something that should be taught. This should not surprise us since proper behavior among humans is due to instruction that begins with parents. Normally, parents teach their children how to behave in public in such a way that they function in a manner that is acceptable to others. Without teaching, children would not automatically behave in an acceptable manner. Take for example, something simple as responding to adults as “yes mam” or “yes sir” should be taught. You can tell children whose parents have taught this kind of response by the manner they respond when they interact with adults; likewise, you can tell of children whose parents have not instructed them in that simple sign of respect for adults. Hence, there should be no misunderstanding that behavior is to be taught. This is more important in the Christian who should reflect the Lord Jesus Christ to the world. The expected conduct or behavior of Christians does not come automatically because one has been saved. No! It must be taught as implied by the passage we are considering. If the appropriate behavior expected of believers in Christ is automatic, then our passage and in fact all the various passages of the NT epistles concerned with conduct of believers become needless. However, since we have various instructions in the NT epistles about conduct expected of believers tell us that behaviors that are acceptable before God that reflect faith in the Lord Jesus Christ are to be taught. It is to underscore the point that appropriate behavior should be taught to believers that verse 3 of Titus 2 begins with the word Likewise. Its use is intended to convey to Titus that as he instructed older men he should do the same with older women. In other words, the adverb likewise is to indicate that Titus was to instruct the older women regarding behavior that is fitting to believers in Christ as he did with older men.
The translators of the NIV and some of our English versions captured the sense of the similarity in the adverb likewise as involving instruction and behavior that they inserted the word “teach” in verse 3 that does not appear in the Greek text. However, its inclusion indicates that Titus was expected to do the same thing with older women that he did with older men, which is to instruct them. Consequently, it is necessary to insert the word “teach” or “instruct”, as used by some English versions to convey that verse 3 continues with the instruction of verse 1 that required communication of truth by Titus to the various groups mentioned, regarding behaviors of believers. We will note shortly that the concern of the Holy Spirit with respect to the instruction that Titus should engage is behavior but before we do, we should note that the second group is the older women.
That the second group that is the target of Titus’ instruction consists of older women is evident in that in the Greek, verse 3 begins with a Greek word translated “older women” in the NIV and majority of our English versions. The expression “older women” is translated from a Greek word (presbytis) that appears only here in the Greek NT that refers to an adult female that is advanced in age so means “older woman, aged woman.” It probably refers to an elderly woman of a given community but here refers to elderly women in the Christian community in Crete. The word in and of itself does not give us an indication of the age that qualifies a woman to be so described as such, but we can deduce that the apostle probably had in mind women who were no less than sixty years. This deduction is based on the cut off age that the apostle gave for qualifying widows that are to be supported by a local church, described in 1 Timothy 5:9:
No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband,
Thus, we can deduce that the apostle had in mind a class of believing ladies who were grouped as older women because of their age.
This aside, the apostle was concerned with the instruction to this group of women regarding their conduct. That this is the apostle’s concern is given in the expression of Titus 2:3 to be reverent in the way they live. The Greek simply reads in behavior reverent. This is because the sentence the way they live is an expansion of the meaning of the Greek word (katastēma) used in our passage that appears only here in the Greek NT; it means “behavior, demeanor” The use of the preposition “in” indicates that the apostle was concerned with conduct or behavior of the older women. Their conduct is expected to reflect that they are believers in the Lord Jesus Christ as conveyed in the word reverent. The word “reverent” is translated from a Greek adjective (hieroprepēs) that also appears only here in the Greek NT; it means “reverent, venerable.” Outside the NT, the word has a specialized meaning of “priestlike” since the word is used to describe the conduct of a priest. In its only use in the NT Greek, the sense is that of conducting self in keeping with one who is a believer in Christ. In other words, those described by our adjective are to live or conduct their lives in profound reverence to God. By the way, it is not strange that the apostle used a Greek adjective that is used to describe the conduct of those who are priests since believers are priests of God because of faith in Christ, as implied in Revelation 1:6:
and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.
That aside, the believing older women are expected to conduct themselves in such a way to reflect that they are believers in Christ. You see, there is a constant emphasis on the necessity of believers’ lifestyles reflecting their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We are to be reverent of the Lord as we live our lives on this planet.
It is our assertion that it is important for believers to be described as reverent in their lifestyles and so one may wonder what it means to be reverent in lifestyle. To ensure there is clarity of what this means, the Holy Spirit through the apostle described negatively what it is not by mentioning two vices that are not indicative of being reverent. In effect, the apostle stated two vices that if present in a person would indicate the absence of reverence for God. The first vice is concerned with slander, as in the verbal phrase not to be slanderers of Titus 2:3 of the NIV. The word “slanderers” is translated from a Greek word (diabolos) that may mean “slanderous” in the sense that a person is engaged with slander, as it is used to describe vices that should not be found in the wives of deacons in 1 Timothy 3:11:
In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.
The Greek word may refer to the devil as the adversary of both God and man, as it is used for example, in the instruction of James 4:7:
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
In our passage of Titus 2:3, it is used with the meaning of “slanderous” so that Titus is to teach older women not to be slanderous. This means that Titus is to communicate to older women something about slander so that they would know what it is, so to avoid it. Titus is to convey to older women that slander is some form of communication that is usually untrue, designed to harm a person’s reputation, and carried out usually in public although private communication is possible. Titus, as with all pastors, would be expected to ensure that the older women understand that passing truthful information to those in authority does not constitute slander. Therefore, he should be clear as to what constitutes slander. There are three factors that if present during the process of providing information to another would turn that information to slander. First, there must be some form of hostility or hatred on the part of the informant. Second, the information given must be untrue. Third, the intention of the informant is to destroy the reputation of another. If any or all these three are involved in the information that one supplies, then we have the case of slander. This explanation should help older women to understand what slander is, so they can avoid it.
The apostle indicated that older women are to be instructed not to become slanderers. Does this mean that others are free to slander? No! Every believer should guard against slander because such conduct is unbecoming of believers in Christ. Consequently, it is one of the vices the Holy Spirit through Apostle Paul indicates believers should not be involved with, as per the instruction of Ephesians 4:31:
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Since every believer should avoid slander, why then did the apostle focus on older women as those to whom the matter of slander should be emphasized? It is because older women are more prone to it. Older women often involve themselves in all kinds of tales as implied in 1 Timothy 4:7:
Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly.
Women in general are more prone to gossip which is akin to slander and so older women may have more time in their hands so that they will get involve in gossiping that leads to slander similar to the activities ascribed to younger widows in 1 Timothy 5:13:
Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.
Furthermore, because when people get old, they have the tendency to think that they can say anything they want. Therefore, older women, specifically are to be cautioned against slander. The point is that older women like every other believer should not be involved in slander as that is unbecoming of those who show reverence to God because they belong to Him through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Anyway, the first vice that should be avoided by older women to indicate they are reverent towards God is slander.
The second vice older women should be taught to avoid is alcoholism. It is this vice that is given in the verbal phrase of Titus 2:3 of the NIV or addicted to much wine. The adjective “addicted” as it is used today although a good word may lessen the impact of what the Holy Spirit through Apostle Paul wants to create in the minds of the readers. We say this because although the word addiction refers to compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance or it is the persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful, has found a way to minimize the stigma that may be associated with the misuse of alcohol in our passage. It is not so offensive to people today to say that they are addicted to wine or nicotine as it would, for example, to say that a person is a slave to wine or nicotine or to call a person an alcoholic. You see, people hate the word “slave”, so, to say to a person that he or she is a slave to something may be more offensive and have more impact than to say that one is addicted to something. I am saying that although the word “addicted” is a proper modern word to describe what the apostle intended to convey, it is better to use the meaning of the Greek word that is translated “addicted” in the NIV and a few other English versions that is concerned with the concept of enslavement. The word “addicted” of the NIV is translated from a Greek word (douloō) that may mean “to enslave”, as the word is used in 2 Peter 2:19:
They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
The clause for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him is more literally for to whatever someone succumbs, by this he is also enslaved. Figuratively, the Greek word may mean “to make subservient, to cause to be like a slave”, as Apostle Paul used it to describe his approach when it comes to the spreading of the gospel in 1 Corinthians 9:19:
Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible.
The Greek word may figuratively mean “to be under obligation, to be bound”, as the word is used by the apostle in 1 Corinthians 7:15:
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
In our passage of Titus 2:3, the sense of the word is to be entirely dominated by alcohol. Therefore, the vice that is to be avoided by older women is being dominated by the use of alcohol. It is not that an older woman should not drink an alcoholic beverage but that such a person should not be controlled by its usage. We can understand this point because the verbal phrase addicted to much wine is literally not to much wine enslaved. The Greek did not say that an older woman should not drink wine but that she should not be enslaved by excessive use of it. This does not necessarily mean that such a woman gets drunk; for if that was the case, the apostle would have used a Greek word (paroinos) that pertains to one who is given to habitual drinking of too much wine hence “a drunkard, addicted to wine” he used in describing the qualifications of an overseer in Titus 1:7. His point is probably that a person may not be a drunk but be enslaved by wine that if the person does not have a glass of wine the individual becomes restless. This being the case, the Holy Spirit wants us to know that alcoholism is a matter of someone being enslaved by desire to drink an alcoholic beverage with or without being drunk. Anyway, the Holy Spirit indicates that older believing women should not be alcoholics, that is, they should not be enslaved to wine to the point that they are irritated when they do not have a drink. Of course, there is also the sense that they could become drunk because of the literal phrase to much wine has the implication of one having excessive wine. That aside, the fact remains that older women are not forbidden from drinking wine, but they should not be enslaved to it either in the sense that they drink too much so that they may become drunk or they are miserable when they do not drink although they may not become drunk. Anyway, there is no explicit reason for singling out older women as those who are to avoid this vice, but it is probably because they were more prone to it as they are in the house where they have control of food and wine of the household. Thus, there will be the temptation to become enslaved to wine.
In any case, the apostle having mentioned the two vices that should be avoided by older women in order to show that they are reverent with respect to God as reflected in their lifestyle, proceeds with a responsibility that such women have which is a specialized form of teaching, as indicated in the last verbal phrase of Titus 2:3but to teach what is good. The Greek text does not have the conjunction but which is inserted in the NIV and a handful of our English versions to enable the English reader to recognize that the apostle was moving from vice to a good responsibility of older women. This notwithstanding, we use the expression “specialized form of teaching” because of the rejection of the authority of Scripture by some well-meaning scholars that advocate that women should become pastors of local churches despite the clear statement of the Scripture in 1 Timothy 2:12:
I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent.
Some of those that advocate women pastors or teachers may point to this verbal phrase to teach what is good of Titus 2:3 as their support for advocating that women should be Bible teachers although the teaching here is specific and targeted to younger women in a local church. By the way, the teaching involved in our context does not seem to require special gift of teaching since all older women are expected to be involved in it in contrast to the teaching in a local church that is to be done not by all men in the local church but by a few gifted men in the area of communication of God’s word.
The specific assignment of communication given to older women in a limited fashion to other women in the church is given in the verbal phrase to teach what is good that is indeed translated from a rare Greek word (kalodidaskalos) that is probably coined by the apostle since the word is not found anywhere else in Greek literature; it means “teaching what is good” but since it is an adjective, it is better to understand the word as referring to older women as “teachers of virtue” or “teachers of what is good.” This is a far cry from teaching the whole realm of the doctrine of the Christian faith. Thus, it will be wrong to use the verbal phrase to teach what is good to support the idea of women teachers in a local church. That aside, Titus, as the resident pastor in Crete, was to teach older women that they have the responsibility of being teachers of virtue or what is good to a targeted group of believers, namely, younger believing women. It seems pastors, for the most part, have failed in this aspect of instructing older believing women regarding the responsibility assigned to them by the Holy Spirit as delineated in the passage we are studying. I mean that although some believing older women might have read this passage in the Scripture, but they probably have not heard their pastors focus on the importance of this responsibility of teaching virtue to younger women. Therefore, we want to emphasize to older women in this congregation that you have a responsibility given to you by God with respect to younger women in this congregation. This implies also that younger women in this congregation should become aware that the older women have responsibility of teaching them what is good or teaching them virtue. This will keep them from being offended or argumentative when the older women carry out this responsibility. In any case, as your pastor, it is my responsibility to inform the older women in this congregation that they have a responsibility given to them with respect to younger women in this local church.
The Holy Spirit through Apostle Paul indicates that teaching older women regarding their responsibility about teaching virtue or what is good to a targeted group has a purpose. This purpose is introduced in the NIV with the first word then of Titus 2:4. The use of the word “then” of the NIV may be difficult to understand since the word “then” may mean “therefore” to indicate result or “after that” to indicate time sequence. Truly, the Greek of verse 4 begins with a Greek conjunction (hina) that has several usages but only two of these are possible in our passage. The conjunction may be used as a marker of purpose so that it may be translated “in order that, that.” Another usage is as a marker of result hence may be translated “so that, that.” In some cases, it is difficult to differentiate purpose from result and so, some of our English versions translated our Greek conjunction to reflect result using the expression “so that” as, for example, in the NRSV. Some others interpret the clause as marker of purpose so that they begin verse 4 with the expression “in order”, as in the TEV. Regardless of how one interprets the Greek conjunction, the sense of what follows is that the apostle is concerned with purpose of instructing older women so that the eventual result would be instructing younger women by older women.
It is our assertion that the teaching the older women are to carry out is specific or targeted. The specific instruction is concerned primarily with the domestic life of the younger women. But before we get to this, we should note that there is nothing in the context that suggests that the teaching to be carried out by women are to be done in a local church setting. In other words, there is no evidence that the forum for instructing younger women is in a local church or that it is to be carried out in a collective manner whereby older women gather to instruct the younger women. If anything, there is the implication that the instruction is to be carried out privately or on one to one basis, where an older woman teaches a younger woman with respect to her domestic live. What we are arguing is that there is no organized women Bible class that is meant here. The implication is that there is no scriptural authority for having Bible class in a local church taught by another woman to other women. The teaching implied in our passage is private and personal between an older woman and a younger woman since the teaching in view involves teaching by example as well as by use of words. We are saying that the specific teaching that is to be carried out by the older women does not involve a formal setting of the type that is required for the teaching of God’s word by a pastor or a teacher to a specific congregation of believers.
In any case, the first specific instruction with respect to the domestic life of the younger women concerns their love for their husbands as in the sentence of Titus 2:4 they can train the younger women to love their husbands. This sentence in a sense supports our assertion that the teaching old women are to carry out is a specific kind of teaching and not the same kind of teaching that a pastor or teacher carries out in a congregation that requires authority. We say this because the apostle did not use the ordinary word in the Greek that is concerned with instruction. Instead, he used a rare Greek word (sōphronizō) that appears only here in the Greek NT. The word may mean “to bring someone to reason or to duty,” but it may also mean “to exhort,” “to spur on,” “to instruct”, “to advise,” “to train.” Thus, the Greek word is not the usual word for teaching or instructing the doctrines of the Christian faith to believers. The older women have the responsibility to urge or spur on the younger women so as to instill in them a sense of moderation or duty with respect to the topics of the urging to be made by the older women. The urging on or the encouragement in view in the passage we are considering that is to be carried out by older women involves teaching of specific behavior through regular practice and instruction so that the meaning “train” of the NIV is proper. The Greek indicates that the older women should form the habit of urging or encouraging younger women with respect to the things listed in the passage.
Who are the younger women in view in our passage? To answer this, we should note that the word “younger” is translated from a Greek adjective (neos) that may pertain to being in existence but in a relatively short time so that it means “new, fresh”, as it is used to describe fresh dough implied in 1 Corinthians 5:7:
Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed.
The word may pertain to being superior in quality or state to what went before, hence means “new” as it is used to describe the new person in Christ or new self that is certainly superior to the old self in Colossians 3:10:
and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.
The word may pertain to being in the early stages of life and hence means “young.” It is with this meaning that the word is used as a comparative adjective in some passages in the Scripture. For example, it is in this sense that it is used for the instruction to Timothy with respect to how he should treat the younger men in his congregation, as state in 1 Timothy 5:1:
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers,
It is probably in this sense that the word is used in our passage of Titus 2:4 because of the mention of older women. Truly, there is no word “women” used in the phrase the younger women but that is implied. That aside, because of the meaning of the Greek adjective used, younger women include newly married women and those who are beginning to raise families. Thus, it is not matter of age as it is a question of marital status. A woman may be older when she marries but because she is newly married and does not yet have much experience with being married and having children then such a person is included as the younger women who are to be helped by older women through their specific instruction to such a person.
The concern of the encouragement or the advice to be offered to younger women deals with their responsibility towards their husbands that is described in the NIV in the verbal phrase to love their husbands although the Greek literally reads women to be husband lovers. This is because of the Greek verb and adjective used. The Greek used a Greek verb (eimi) that may mean “to be.” However, there are several nuances to the meaning “to be.” For example, “to be” could mean “to rest upon”, as it is used by the translators of the NIV in 1 Corinthians 2:5:
so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.
The clause your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom is more literally your faith would not be in the wisdom of men. The meaning “to be” can mean to be in company or association with someone as Apostle Paul used it to describe his desire of being with the Lord in Philippians 1:23:
I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;
The meaning “to be” may refer to possessing certain characteristics, as it is used in the Lord describing Himself in Matthew 11:29:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
In our passage of Titus 2:4, the sense of the word is to possess the characteristic mentioned in the verse. The Greek indicates that the quality or characteristic that is to be possessed is something that must be done as a matter of habit. In other words, older women are to teach the younger women to be habitually characterized by the attribute given in the passage.
The attribute or quality that should be a habit of younger women is described in the NIV in the verbal phrase to love their husbands which is their way of translating a Greek adjective (philandros) that appears only here in the Greek NT. It is a word that is used in a classical Greek with the meaning of “loving masculine habits” but its usage in the NT pertains to having affection for a husband hence means “having affection or love for a husband.” As we have indicated, because there is a sense of habit involved in the verbal phrase to love their husbands, younger women are to form the habit of having affection or love for their husbands.
The sentence they can train the younger women to love their husbands is an interesting one for several reasons. First, this is the closest we have in the Scripture about the requirement of a wife’s love for the husband. The Scripture does not contain any direct command for wives to love their husbands. But we have few examples of women’s love for men. Michal, Saul’s daughter is said to be in love with David, as recorded in 1 Samuel 18:20:
Now Saul’s daughter Michal was in love with David, and when they told Saul about it, he was pleased.
David married Michal who, no doubt, demonstrated her love for her husband by enabling him escape death in the hands of her father, Saul, as indicated in 1 Samuel 19:11–13:
11 Saul sent men to David’s house to watch it and to kill him in the morning. But Michal, David’s wife, warned him, “If you don’t run for your life tonight, tomorrow you’ll be killed.” 12 So Michal let David down through a window, and he fled and escaped. 13 Then Michal took an idol and laid it on the bed, covering it with a garment and putting some goats’ hair at the head.
Another example of a woman loving a man is that given with respect to the young woman that there was no record ever married the man she loved, as indicated in Song of Solomon 3:3–4:
3 The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. “Have you seen the one my heart loves?” 4Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me.
These two examples involve situations where a woman’s love for a man is mentioned in the Scripture but that does not mean that women did not love their husbands only that that was no clear command of wives to love their husbands.
Second, the sentence they can train the younger women to love their husbands is interesting because it implies that a wife’s affection or love for the husband is not an automatic characteristic that a woman permanently possesses. I know that in a society where marriage is said to be based on love that many would have problem with what I have stated since women in such a society would argue that they love their husbands otherwise they would not have married them. But I counter with the argument of the presence of divorce in such societies where people claim to fall out of love. If the love possessed by a woman for her husband is permanent, then there should be no divorce that results from falling out of love. Anyway, the truth is that a woman’s affection or love for the husband is something that should be learned and nurtured since it is not a permanent virtue per say. When a woman is attracted to a man, she most likely has a strong feeling or affection for that man but such feeling or affection is then challenged once she begins to live with the man as her husband because she would now discover habits or behaviors of the man that were not that obvious prior to marriage. It is when this happens that the woman has difficulty with respect to her affection for the husband. Thus, it is important that she be urged or encouraged to have affection for her husband despite his habits with which she has now become painfully acquainted.
Third, the sentence they can train the younger women to love their husbands is interesting because it implies that older women themselves love or have affection for their husbands. This is because without such they have no moral authority to teach or encourage younger women to love or have affection for their husbands. I dare say that some older women whose husbands are still living do not have genuine affection for their husbands and so they are not in a position to encourage the younger women to have affection or to love their husbands. I am saying that many older women are incapable of carrying out this responsibility of encouraging younger women to love their husbands because they are not having affection or love for their husbands. This being the case, they feel they would be hypocritical to urge younger women to do what they themselves do not do, especially if the younger women are daughters in law with knowledge of how they treat their husbands. Nonetheless, the assumption of the Holy Spirit is that the older women are believers who live according to truth and so should be those who have affection or love for their husbands.
In any case, an important question that we should consider with respect to the sentence they can train the younger women to love their husbands is this: What is it that older women are to teach or encourage younger women to do for it to be said that they love or have affection for their husbands? I will begin by saying that whatever it is that a younger woman is to be taught starts with the husband. In effect, I am saying that in this instruction we do not start with the wife but with the husband. This is because, as we have stated previously, there is no passage in the Scripture where a wife is commanded to love the husband, but the husband is, as for example, in Ephesians 5:25:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
The Scripture does not directly give us the reason we do not have a direct command to a wife to love the husband. But based on the comparison of husband’s love to that of Christ for the church, we may deduce that a reason is that a woman’s love is usually a response to her husband’s love. We say this because our love for Christ comes from our knowledge of His love for us as conveyed in the statement recorded in 1 John 4:19:
We love because he first loved us.
This statement indicates that our love for God and others is because God first loved us. Therefore, our love towards Him is a response to His love for us. This being the case in husband-wife relationship, the husband is the one that must first love the wife so that she can then respond to his love for her. Thus, a believing husband should make it easier for the wife to respond to the instruction of her having affection or loving him by doing things that prove he loves the wife. Of course, the instruction for younger women to love or have affection for their husbands is still valid even if their husbands are unbelievers since in such situation, their affection or love for their husbands would become a witness to them, as implied in the instruction of 1 Peter 3:1:
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
We are saying that younger women should pay heed to the instruction of how to love or have affection for their husbands regardless of their husband’s spiritual status.
We have argued that the instruction of what the younger women are to be taught is linked to their husbands’ love for them. Having said this, and because it is possible that some of the younger women might have married unbelievers prior to their salvation then we focus on what it is that older women should teach the younger women so that it can be said they have affection or love for their husbands. The first thing older women should teach the younger women is to ensure that they always maintain good thoughts about their husbands. Younger women are to resist any thought that could lead to bitterness or resentment of their husbands. They should recognize that as believers they are to ensure that they are constantly fighting against negative thoughts of self-pity or thoughts that indicate their husbands are cheating them through what they demand of them. In effect, they should remember that we sin because we do not want anyone to cheat us and so if they feel that their husbands are doing things to hurt them then they should do the second thing that is important in any relationship which is communication. Thus, the second thing that a younger wife should do to ensure she has affection or love for the husband is to be involved in proper and constant communication with the husband. This is necessary to avoid any kind of bitterness or resentment on the part of the wife. A husband is not perfect although some arrogant men think so, and so the wife should be able to communicate to the husband any thing that bothers her or any wrong she perceived to be done to her by the husband. It is as she does this that she would ensure that no bitterness lingers in her soul since such condition would make it impossible for her to have affection or love her husband. How the wife communicates to the husband is important. Yelling at each other is not communication. Many husbands would not pay attention to their wives’ complaint if they shout at them instead of quietly make known their displeasure. So, it is important not only that a wife should communicate her displeasure, but she should do it in such a manner that the husband will not ignore her. We cannot emphasize enough the importance of the way we approach a person. The Scripture is clear about the importance of manner of approach, as implied in Proverbs 15:1:
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
We are saying that the older women should teach younger women to know how to voice their complaints to their husbands if they expect them to respond to them properly. Another thing that older women should communicate to younger women with respect to loving their husbands is taking care of their husbands. Love is an action-oriented word so that it is through how the younger women take care of their husbands that they will show they love them. Husbands would normally judge their wives’ love for them through their actions. Therefore, whatever a younger woman could do to make life easier on the husband that is what is involved in showing affection or loving a husband. Anyhow, it is required that older women should encourage the younger women to be affectionate towards their husbands as first indicated in their thoughts and then in their actions.
06/02/17