Lessons #199 and 200
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+ 1. It is best to use this note after you have listened to the lessons because there are +
+ comments given in the actual delivery not in the note. +
+ 2. The Bible abbreviations are as follows: CEV =Contemporary English version, +
+ CEB = Common English Bible, ESV= English Standard Version, +
+ GW = God’s Word Translation, ISV = International Standard Version, +
+ NAB=New English Bible, NASB= New American Standard Bible, +
+ NEB= New English Bible, NET = New English Translation, +
+ NLT = New Living Translations NJB = New Jerusalem Bible, +
+ NJV = New Jewish Bible, TEV = Today’s English Version. +
+AMP = Amplified Bible, UBS = United Bible Society +
+ 3. Notes have not been edited for grammatical errors. +
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Guidelines for sexual relationship within marriage (1 Cor 7:3-7)
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
In the introduction of the seventh chapter, we indicated that it provides guidelines for believer’s involvement in sexual relation before and after marriage. We have considered the biblical guideline for sexual relationship outside marriage that we indicated that it is God’s will that there should be no sex outside of marriage so that premarital sex is forbidden just as adultery is. So, we are concerned now with guidelines regarding sexual relationship in marriage in the passage we are about to study. On reading this passage, a young person that is single would probably be surprised that we have guidelines regarding sexual relationship in marriage because youthful exuberance would lead a young person to have an overblown estimation of legitimate sexual relationship within marriage that is authorized by God. It is my responsibility to present to such a young person the truth regarding sexual relationship as stated in the Scripture. There are several things that cause so much tension or problems in marriage but two of these in my understanding of the Scripture are at the top. The first is money. The issue of money, either lack of it or too much of it, has created problems in marriage that often lead to divorce. On the one hand, when there is not enough money, a wife may, depending on her spiritual life, become miserable because she sees things, she thinks she ought to have, but is unable. Such misery could lead to mistreatment of the husband and constant fights between them that eventually they may end up divorcing each other. On the other hand, there may be much money that the wife forms the habit of spending too much, buying things even when they are not necessary. She does so because she cannot control her desire to spend money. Of course, such spending could cause strain on the husband so that they fight over too much spending. Again, the problem could become such that they could divorce each other. When divorce takes place over money then the Scripture that tells us that the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil is confirmed.
The second thing, next to the problem of money, that causes severe problems in marriage is the matter of sex. A young person may think that married people have all the sex they want. That is not true. If it were true, we would not have the guideline that we have in this passage. As a young person, you should be aware that there are so many sexless marriages. Sexless marriage may also lead to divorce. The problem of sexless marriage is that it often causes husband and wife to be in tension with each other that although some may not verbalize it, it would reach a point that a spouse becomes antagonistic towards the other so that their marriage relationship is one that is filled with constant friction because one of them feels cheated in not having his/her sexual needs met. It is not only that we have tension in such marriage but sometimes one of the spouses, depending on his/her spiritual life, may wander off into sex outside marriage. Such an activity is a tinder box that may ignite at some point that may lead eventually to divorce. Thus, it is important for God the Holy Spirit to provide guidelines to safeguard problems of sex in marriage and to ensure that believers are living fully the life the Lord intended for them on this planet. At this point, I will make a statement that may shock some of you but as we examine the guidelines given in this passage, you will come to agree with what I am about to say. My assertion is that if you are not having a health problem and are not old whereby you are truly unable to have sex then sexless marriage is an indicator that either a husband or a wife or both are not living in obedience to God’s word. I am saying that if you are involved in sexless marriage where the conditions, I have stated do not apply then you should know that you are not living fully the spiritual life, no matter how you may justify such state. Again, as I stated, my assertion will become clearer as we study the passage before us.
The passage before us, as we have indicated, is concerned with guidelines for sexual relationship in marriage. But before we get to that, let me address some misconceptions about sexual relationship in marriage as part of facts that are necessary in understanding the passage before us. A first fact is there are at least two misconceptions about sex in marriage. There are those who think that sex is only for procreation in part due to the original instruction of the Lord to the first husband and wife, as stated in Genesis 1:28:
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
We will visit this passage again shortly but for now, suffice to say that the instruction to be fruitful indicates that one of the most impactful reason for sex in marriage is to populate the earth. This does not mean that procreation is the only reason for sexual relationship in marriage. Sexual relationship between a husband and wife is also for enjoyment of each other. This truth is implied in the instruction of Ecclesiastes 9:9:
Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.
The instruction Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love no doubt means primarily to enjoy the companionship of a wife since as we have noted, one of the reasons, for marriage is companionship, according to Genesis 2:18:
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
The word “helper” conveys the sense of “companion, mate, partner” so enjoyment of a wife where love is involved implies companionship. When a man enjoys a woman’s companionship there is the tendency for that man to want to be as close as possible to her. This closeness would normally lead to sexual relationship if all other things were equal. By this, I mean that such sexual relationship is not sinful, and both are able to do so without, say, health problem. Hence sexual relationship between a husband and a wife is the highest expression of the enjoyment of each other since that involves union of two bodies in a way that is unique that is intended in the explanation of what marriage involves in Genesis 2:24:
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
We should, of course, be clear that such sexual enjoyment is mostly before old age sets in as old age brings both husband and wife to a state where they probably no longer have the desire for such bodily function. In saying this, we do not mean that those who are old do not have sexual relationship, but that sex is primarily an activity that belongs to the youthful period of the husband and wife relationship, that is, before old age sets in. For when people get older there are many physical problems that could lead to not having sex. It is probably because age has a way of robbing individuals from enjoyment of sex that when the Lord announced to Abraham that Sarah was going to have a child that she questioned if she would still enjoy sex, as implied in her question in Genesis 18:12:
So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?”
The question will I now have this pleasure is more literally shall pleasure be to me? Pleasure here refers primarily to having sex and eventually the pleasure of having a child. The word “pleasure” is translated from a Hebrew noun (ʿěḏnāh) that means “pleasure” but with reference to sexual pleasure that is the reason the TEV rendered the question as can I still enjoy sex? Sarah’s assertion of his master being old and herself being worn out indicates that she implied that the idea of sex was no longer forefront in their relationship. The implication is that age has much to do with sexual pleasure. A person who is old rarely thinks of sex in the same way a young person or a young adult does. By the way, the fact that Sarah thought of sex in terms of enjoyment adds to the point we are making that sex is also for pleasure between husband and wife. Nevertheless, an important enjoyment of a person’s wife is to have sex with her. When husbands and wives are young ,enjoyment of sex is an indispensable aspect of enjoyment of each other. It is probably because of this that the instruction given to a man to enjoy sexual relationship with the wife makes a reference to youth in Proverbs 5:18–19:
18May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
A man’s wife is described here as his fountain since she is the source of his pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. The wife’s breasts refer to her whole body so that the sense of her breasts satisfying the husband implies that the husband should find his satisfaction with the wife’s body by enjoying her sexually and no other woman. He is to be excited not only over her body but also by her love. So, there is no doubt that part of the pleasure a man or a woman should have in this life with the wife or husband is sexual. As we speak of sexual relationship between husband and wife as part of pleasure that each should have with the other, we should caution that the Scripture warns against sharing such a pleasure with someone other than one’s spouse. Thus, a husband is instructed to ensure he does not spread that pleasure to another person. This instruction against sharing sexual pleasure outside marriage is given metaphorically in Proverbs 5:15:
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.
Drinking of water from one’s cistern is a figurative way of saying to a husband to limit sexual relationship to his wife only. A cistern is an underground chamber that stores water during rainfall for later use. To keep the cistern from leaking out water, it is usually plastered with limestone. Thus, a cistern is a private water source so that a man draws his water from it. The implication is that neither the man nor the wife should allow the sexual pleasure that belongs to them be shared with anyone else. In any event, it should be clear that sexual relationship is not only for procreation but for pleasure between a husband and wife before old age makes such undesirable. If, as we have stated, sexual intercourse between husband and wife is pleasure then when there is no sexual relationship where there is no health problem or where there is no age limitation then you see that there is bound to be tension in the marriage. Couples may not recognize that part of their tension or snapping at each other could be because this pleasure that God intended between husband and wife is missing and so leads to frustration that both may or may not be aware the reason. What I am trying to convey to those who are married is that God in His goodness has created sexual intercourse between a husband and a wife as one of the things necessary to sustain their companionship with each other unless age or other factors that are beyond their control make such impossible. It may be difficult to understand what I am saying, so let me relate it to the believer’s relationship with the Lord. The believer who has pleasure with the Lord is one that is filled with joy that results from the filling of the Holy Spirit. When you have joy from the Holy Spirit you have a good relationship with the Lord, and you enjoy His special strength. No wonder the Scripture relates joy of the Lord to strength in Nehemiah 8:10:
Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
The phrase the joy of the LORD refers to the joy that one has by being identified with the community of God’s people during celebration. This joy of the Lord is strength in the sense that the joy from Him provides strength to the believer. Of course, there is also the sense that the joy of the Lord provides protection to the believer since the Hebrew word translated “strength” may also mean protection. That aside, if the joy of the Lord provides strength to the believer, so to say, then when there is pleasure between a husband and wife associated with sexual intercourse then their relationship with each other is strengthened. Each has the feeling of security with the other. Thus, even before we get to the subject at hand, I want you to see the wisdom of God in providing sex not only for procreation but for pleasure of the husband and his wife.
Another misconception about sexual relationship between a husband and a wife is that such relationship makes a person not to be holy or that having sex with one’s spouse renders a person not to be as spiritual as those who do not. I recall many years ago, when I was in graduate school, having a conversation with a married woman that told me that sexual relationship with one’s spouse implies that both husband and wife are not as spiritual as they should. I tried to convince her from the Scripture that there is nothing unspiritual about sexual relationship in marriage. Of course, I suspected that she was having problem in that department in her marriage but probably wanted to justify herself. The woman’s position was probably the kind of view that some in Corinth might have adopted. In other words, some believers must have implied that if married couples have sexual relationship, that such puts them in a lower spiritual status than those who do not. In effect, this misconception may imply that sexual relationship between a husband and a wife means that they are not sanctified. There are several passages that if not properly understood could lead to such misconception. When God wanted to meet with Israel while in Mount Sinai, Moses instructed the people to abstain from sexual relationship, as we read in Exodus 19:15:
Then he said to the people, “Prepare yourselves for the third day. Abstain from sexual relations.”
The situation here is that there would be a special manifestation of the Lord to Israel that requires they should be ceremonially clean as He appears to them. Emission of semen was considered ceremonially unclean in that it renders both the man and the wife ceremonially unclean, as stated in Leviticus 15:16–18:
16 “‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. 17 Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. 18 When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.
Because semen renders husband and wife ceremonially unclean, the advice to abstain from sexual relationship in preparation for the Lord’s appearance to Israel was to ensure that none of the people were ceremonially unclean when they met with the Lord. The same concept of ceremonial uncleanness is found in the stipulation Ahimelech, the priest, gave David when he requested to have the consecrated bread from him, as we read in 1 Samuel 21:4–5:
4 But the priest answered David, “I don’t have any ordinary bread on hand; however, there is some consecrated bread here—provided the men have kept themselves from women.” 5 David replied, “Indeed women have been kept from us, as usual whenever I set out. The men’s things are holy even on missions that are not holy. How much more so today!”
The condition stipulated by the priest indicates that those who serve in Israel’s public worship of the Lord must not be ceremonially unclean that would result from sexual relationship between a husband and wife. By the way, it is not only those who serve that must be ceremonially clean but those who were involved in holy war. Furthermore, ritual uncleanness may be caused by improper use of the toilet as in the instruction given to Israel as what would keep someone out of the camp and what is not permissible inside of the camp of Israel because of God’s special presence with them, as we read in Deuteronomy 23:9–14:
9 When you are encamped against your enemies, keep away from everything impure. 10 If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there. 11 But as evening approaches he is to wash himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp. 12 Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. 13 As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. 14 For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.
The point is that ceremonial uncleanness is the reason sexual relationship between a husband and a wife may be avoided to ensure that both are able to participate in special appearance of God to Israel when Moses instructed them not to have sex with their wives. This does not mean that sexual relationship between a husband and a wife renders them unholy today. We should remember that no believer can become ceremonial unclean since Christ’s death on the cross has made believers clean before God. That believers are clean before God is traceable to the statement of the Lord Jesus when He indicated His disciples were clean except Judas Iscariot that was an unbeliever, as we read in John 13:10–11:
10 Jesus answered, “A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” 11 For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
The Lord elaborated the reasons the disciples were clean in John 15:3:
You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.
Those in OT period when they became unclean, their uncleanness was handled through use of blood of animals, but Jesus Christ died for us implying that we have been purified as that is the argument of the human author of Hebrews in Hebrews 9:13–14:
13 The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. 14 How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!
Furthermore, we should remember that the Lord Jesus has fulfilled the Law on our behalf hence, we are not under any ceremonial law of the OT. The implication is that the uncleanness described in the law due to sexual relationship between a husband and wife is not applicable to us. Consequently, it does not make sense to think that sexual intercourse between a husband and his wife makes them unclean or unholy. There is only one way that sexual intercourse renders an individual unholy, that is, if it occurs outside of marriage. This is a reason the Holy Spirit links sexual sin to unholiness so that believers are urged to remain sanctified by avoiding sexual immorality, as stated in 1 Thessalonians 4:3:
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;
Anyway, it is a misconception of sexual relationship to think that for married persons that such relationship makes them unholy or unspiritual. With addressing the misconceptions about sexual relationship in marriage as the first fact we should understand to help in understanding of the passage before us, let me state a second fact.
A second fact is that failure to obey God’s command is the essence of sin. This, the Holy Spirit conveyed through Apostle John in 1 John 3:4:
Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.
The word “law” here should be understood in a general sense of all the commands of God in the Scripture or even His promises. We included God’s promises because if we fail to believe His promises that is certainly a sin as implied by the fact that lack of faith is sin, according to the declaration of the Holy Spirit through Apostle Paul in Romans 14:23:
But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.
The fact that sin is disobedience to God’s word is important to understand my earlier statement that a sexless marriage, if there is no health problem or age issue, is tantamount to not being spiritual in that such individuals are not living in obedience to God’s word. What I am emphasizing is to cause all believers to become conscious that once we disobey any of God’s instruction that we have sinned and so we should not claim to be spiritual when in fact we are not. Furthermore, we should not be selective in what we obey. We are expected to obey every command of God. That means that failure to obey instruction from God that has to do with sexual relationship is a sin just as sexual immorality is, although the impacts on humans may be different. But then, we should recognize that all sins are against God regardless of how it impacts us. It is this truth that every sin is against God that David confessed after his adulterous affairs that led to the death of Uriah. He did not say that his sin was against Uriah whose wife he committed adultery with and who eventually died because of David’s plan. No! David said he sinned against God, as we read in Psalm 51:4:
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
We do not deny that our sin affects humans for it does as we know from experience but also from the assertion of the Lord Jesus in the parable of what is popularly described as the “prodigal son” in that the son’s confession included sinning against his father and God in Luke 15:18:
I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.
Notice the order of the confession is first against heaven. Heaven is used among the Jews at that time as substitute for God. Thus, the confession is that the sin was against God then followed by the phrase against you which refers to the son’s father. This order of confession lends support to the fact that all sins are against God because His word is what is disobeyed in any sin. The point I am stressing becomes important in understanding my statement that sexless marriage under certain situations is indeed living in disobedience to God’s word since sin is failure to obey God’s instruction. It is possible that a person who is versed in the Scripture may try to find fault with what I am saying by referring to childless marriage as perhaps an example that may contradict what we have said so far regarding sexless marriage. I am referring to the command issued to our first parents in the passage we cited previously, that is, Genesis 1:28:
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
The command here is Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. So, someone in a childless marriage may ask if he or she is sinning because of not having a child. The answer depends on the reason for the childlessness. If the reason is that the couples agreed that they would not have a child, then the answer would be that that is a sin. It is not up to the married couple to decide whether to have a child or not. The command of the Lord requires that married people should have children for the purpose of populating the earth. Hence, when a married couple decide not to have children, they have disobeyed the instruction we have in Genesis 1:28; that would be a sin. However, if the couple have tried and were unable to have children then they have not sinned because they obeyed God’s instruction through sexual relationship, but God decided, for whatever reason, not to grant a child to that couple. The fact we want to emphasize is that sin is disobedience to God’s word and so when a person does not obey God’s instruction regarding sexual relationship in marriage then such a person has sinned. This fact is one to bear in mind as we consider the guidelines given in our passage regarding sex within marriage. With these facts out of the way, we are ready to consider the guidelines given regarding sex within marriage.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
This was then followed by the command to the husband regarding his responsibility towards his wife in Ephesians 5:25:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
As we stated, the reason for the wife being instructed first is that she is under authority of the husband and the concern is that of authority. Consequently, the wife is addressed first although both husband and the wife are under God’s authority in that each must still submit to God who has commanded the responsibilities given to each. The situation is slightly different in the instruction regarding sexual relationship where the concern is primarily submission to God by both the husband and the wife. Hence, it makes sense that the husband should be addressed first before the wife to maintain God’s order in creation.
Someone may say that the sentence of 1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife does not mention the two things that we stated in the primary guideline which is to have sexual intercourse and to do so regularly. If you think so, let me assure you that it is concerned with both sexual relationship between a husband and wife and its frequency. The concept of sexual intercourse is conveyed in the phrase his marital duty to his wife. Specifically, the concept of sexual intercourse is expressed in the NIV with the phrase marital duty. It is as we explore the word that it becomes clearer that it is concerned with sexual intercourse between a husband and his wife.
The expression “marital duty” is translated from a Greek word (opheilē) that means “debt” referring to what one owes to another in a financial sense as it is used in Jesus’ illustration regarding forgiveness by referring to how one person receives cancellation of debt but refused to extend that to another in Matthew 18:32:
“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to.
In plural, the word is used to describe tax obligation in Romans 13:7:
Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.
The word may mean “obligation” or “duty” as it is used in our passage of 1 Corinthians 7:3 to describe “mutual obligations” of spouses, hence the translators of the NIV used the meaning “marital duty.” It is important that we establish that the instruction we are considering concerns sexual relationship, because the way some of our English versions translated the instruction we are considering, may leave the impression that sexual relationship is not in view. For example, the NCV translates the instruction as The husband should give his wife all that he owes her as his wife. The NJB renders it The husband must give to his wife what she has a right to expect. This notwithstanding, the marital duty refers to sexual intercourse between a husband and the wife. The idea that “marital duty” of the NIV refers to sexual intercourse between a husband and wife is traceable to the instruction given about treatment of a wife in Exodus 21:10:
If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights.
The phrase marital rights convey the same concept as “marital duty” of the NIV. Marital rights could mean nothing other than sexual intercourse. This is because there are three things that a husband must not deprive the wife in Exodus 21:10. The first two are clothing and food. Clothing covers such thing as shelter. Every woman wants to have these two things so if they are mentioned in addition to marital rights then it must mean that marital rights refer to sexual intercourse. Of course, the expression “marital rights” in Exodus 21:10 is translated from a Hebrew word (ʿōnāh) that appears only here in the Hebrew Scripture that means “cohabitation” but the sense in this verse is “conjugal right,” that is, the right of sexual intercourse with one’s spouse hence means “sexual intercourse.” This being the case, we are confident that the Greek word that the translators of the NIV rendered “marital duty” refers to sexual intercourse between a husband and his wife. Hence, we have established that the instruction The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife contains the concept of sexual intercourse between a husband and his wife. So, we proceed to establish our use of the word “regularly,” by which we mean that sexual intercourse must be regular between a husband and a wife.
The assertion that sexual relationship between a husband and wife should be regular is conveyed in the sentence of 1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, specifically in the verbal phrase should fulfill. The word “fulfill” is translated from a Greek word (apodidōmi) that may mean “to pay back” as in the instruction of not treating others wrongly in accordance with the way they have treated us, as stated in 1 Thessalonians 5:15:
Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.
The word may mean “to award” as Apostle Paul used it to describe the award he expects from the Lord, as we read in 2 Timothy 4:8:
Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
The word may mean “to fulfill” various responsibilities. Thus, in the Septuagint, the word is used for fulfilling one’s vow to the Lord in Psalm 50:14:
Sacrifice thank offerings to God, fulfill your vows to the Most High,
It is in the sense of fulfilling an oath that the word is used in the Lord Jesus’ referencing the OT Scripture in His teaching on the Sermon on the Mount as recorded in Matthew 5:33:
“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.’
The clause but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord is more literally but fulfill your oaths to the Lord. In our passage of 1 Corinthians 7:3, the word has the sense of “to fulfill, make good on an oath or promise.” When couples make marriage vows or promises they are saying that they would do all that is required of them in marriage. Even in cultures that do not conduct their marriage ceremonies by requiring the couples to make vows, once the two persons agree that they would be married to each other that constitutes an oath or promise to carry out all that is required in marriage. Of course, someone may say “I did not sign up for sexual relationship in marriage.” To such a person I will ask: Did you not know that marriage involves sex? No one who enters marriage does not know that it involves sex since every person that enters marriage recognizes that such relationship will lead to children. So, no one has any excuse not to fulfill the obligation of sexual relationship in marriage. In the first sentence of 1 Corinthians 7:3 that we are considering, it is the husband that is commanded to fulfill sexual obligation to the wife since we read The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife.
We have simply established that the word “fulfill” has the sense of engaging in sexual relationship as part of marriage, but we have not provided the answer as to our assertion that sexual relationship between a husband and a wife should be regular. The answer is found in the Greek tense used in the command translated in the NIV as should fulfill. But before I mention the Greek tense used, we should understand that the Greek word used expresses a command not a suggestion. It is probably to ensure that we understand that what we have is a command that some English versions such as the NASB, the NEB, and the NJB used the word “must” instead of “should” in their translation. The use of the word “should” is not wrong so long as one understands that it is not used here for what is probable but to indicate an obligation. The point is that the Greek issues a command to the husband regarding sexual relationship with the wife and not a suggestion. That aside, the Greek used a present tense in issuing the command. The use of present tense in a command is subjected to different interpretations such as continuing an action or forming a habit. In our passage, the sense of the present tense is that of repeated action. This means that the instruction is to do what is commanded again and again. It is this interpretation that is the basis of our assertion that sexual relationship between a husband and a wife should be regular.
How regular you may ask? The answer is that it should be such that it merits being described as frequent or repeated. Interestingly, we are informed of various suggestions of such frequency from ancient sources. Plutarch (a Greek philosopher) is said to have suggested that even if a wife does not produce children, a husband should have intercourse with her three times per month as a reflection of the “honour and due affection which a husband ought to pay to a virtuous, chaste wife.”[1] Jewish rabbis gave details regarding this matter as they commented on sexual obligations in marriage. Let quote from Mishnah Ketubot 5:6 (Online version):
A man forbade himself by vow from having intercourse with his wife: Beth Shammai says: two weeks; Beth Hillel says: one week. Students may go away to study Torah, without the permission [of their wives for a period of] thirty days; workers for one week. The times for conjugal duty prescribed in the torah are: For independent men, every day; For workers, twice a week; For donkey-drivers, once a week; For camel-drivers, once in thirty days; For sailors, once in six months. These are the words of Rabbi Eliezer.
Anyway, the answer as to how regular sexual relationship between a husband and wife is simply that it should be such that it is repeated action without much time interval between each. The point is that because the Greek tense used in the command that a husband should meet his sexual obligation to the wife is in the present tense that that is the basis for our assertion that sexual relationship between a husband and a wife should be regular.
The Holy Spirit knows that some wives may say that the command here is addressed only to the husband and so if they did not desire sexual relationship that their husbands are off the hook. No! It is not up to them to set their husbands off the hook, so the same command is then addressed to wives as in the last phrase of 1 Corinthians 7:3 and likewise the wife to her husband. This phrase implies that the wife is obligated to having sexual relationship with the husband at a regular interval. Recall that I made the point that sin is disobedience to God’s word. Therefore, when either spouse does not obey the instruction to have regular sexual relationship with each other then that is an indication of disobedience, meaning that such persons should not claim to be spiritual when they are not in compliance with God’s word. I want to be clear; this is not my opinion. It is God’s word, so I do want any husband or wife to go home and say, “I said this.” You should rather say “God said” as explained by the pastor. The point is that the first general guideline for sexual relationship after marriage is that it should be regular between husband and wife. You may not want to accept this guideline, but you do so at your own perils.
[1] Ciampa, R. E., & Rosner, B. S. (2010). The First Letter to the Corinthians (p. 279). Grand Rapids, MI; Cambridge, U.K.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.